Note To Self

Dear Me,

I see how you're doing and it's not well. You're in the same place you were last year. Doing the same things, making the same mistakes.
Are you expecting things to turn out differently? For your life to be anything other than what it has always been? Without really..changing anything?
You change your job too much. Just to make it feel like you're doing something. But you always End up the same way. Physically tired. Mentally tired. No energy to do much else. You have those days where you can barely lift your arm to put on makeup to cover up the sadness, the dark circles. You're so focused on what you aren't doing that there's little happiness in your life.
You sit and question where Gods voice is sending you this year. You don't want it to be the same thing. But you're too scared to try and do anything you're not used to. You're a coward.
You stress too much about relationships. About money. About life.
But you don't do anything about it. Everyday you just kick that dead horse, waiting for it to come alive again.
You're afraid to make drastic choices. You don't want to seem selfish. You don't want to face consequences. You need a change but you're all talk. All self.

In fact... All you do is talk to yourself... Just as you are now. You already know you don't have the answers.
You see, it doesn't matter what you're doing. What counts is where your devotion is at. Right now you're obsessed with yourself. YOU need fulfillment, YOU need change. Selfishness. You hear everyone else opinions, but ignore the voice of God.

Child, I AM with you. 

"We get so preoccupied sulky with God while all the time He is saying, 'look up and be saved' "

Look up. LOOK UP.

 And you will be answered, you will be shown. Ask the questions... But don't ask yourself what you must do. Ask God where He wants you in His will.

" the difficulties and trials- the casting about in our minds as to what we shall do this summer, or tomorrow, all vanish when we look to God"

It doesn't matter where we are. Life isn't about self. It's about serving Him. He gives us questions to ask, so we look to him and seek His desires.

"For our boasting is this: the testimony of our conscience that we conducted ourselves in the world in simplicity and godly sincerity, not its fleshly wisdom but the grace of God, and more abundantly toward you."
                      2 Corinthians 1:12

We all have this false idea that the call of God is for the special few. The call of God is for everyone. And He will send you where He wants when He wants.
We spend so much time feeling sorry for ourselves when the whole time God is saying ' look up to Me' and 'just go'
We're stuck because we choose comfort.
Choose to be bold. Choose the work of God. Choose to live for His desires rather than self and our own holiness.
Stop talking to yourself and go.

"I have inclined my heart to perform your statues forever to the very end"
                                 Psalm 119: 112